To Users of Facebook

Originally written as a ranting note on Facebook - hence the tone being less than the usual level of formality found in my letters.

Dear Facebook Users,

On Facebook, as most people have figured out, you can show your support (or lack of) for various things through the use of GROUPS and PAGES.

A GROUP is a GROUP of PEOPLE - to subscribe to a GROUP, one becomes a MEMBER.
A PAGE is a stand-alone object that people becomes FANS of - you do not need to actually be affiliated with the PAGE to be a FAN (more on that later).

My rant today is the misnaming of GROUPS and PAGES. I will demonstrate with a few examples.
Today I became a FAN of the PAGE "Sitting in your towel after a shower because you're too lazy to get dressed", because I am a FAN of the aforementioned activity. If this PAGE were a GROUP, the correct name would be "People who sit in their towels after showers because they're too lazy to get dressed". I am also a FAN of the PAGE "Getting paid" because I am a FAN of GETTING PAID. Likewise with "Chocolate Dipped Strawberries" and "Sporcle" - these are things that I like.
But what about things one doesn't like?
To show non-support for a cause, event or activity, there are PAGES with names such as - to give two examples that I am a FAN of - "Not being on fire" and "Not being raped" - I am showing support for NOT being on fire/raped - or showing non-support for being on fire or raped - by being a FAN of these PAGES.
Now onto GROUPS. Like I said before, a GROUP is a collection of people - it exists because of its MEMBERS. One becomes a MEMBER of a GROUP. I am a MEMBER of a GROUP called "Those Who Enjoy + Partake In the Distribution and Acquisition of High Fives" - because I am one who enjoys and partakes in the distribution and acquisition of high fives. If I were merely a FAN of high fives, it would be more appropriate for me to become a FAN of a PAGE called "High Fives".
¿Comprendes?
Now I will outline a few theoretical examples of things people like strongly enough to honour on Facebook, and whether a PAGE or GROUP would be appropriate in each case.

Say you have a BAND, and it is called THE HAT SOCIETY. You CANNOT start a group called "The Hat Society" and invite your fans to join it! That's inviting them to join the band! Do you really want a band of 736 members, of which 731 never turn up to practices? It would be appropriate to make a PAGE called "The Hat Society" that people could become FANS of - or a GROUP called "The Hat Society Fan Club" that people could become MEMBERS of.
I would grudgingly accept a GROUP called "I Love The Hat Society", but for goodness' sake DO NOT make a PAGE called "I Love The Hat Society"! That's just inviting people to show their support for your support of a band, not their support for the band! I could become a FAN of a PAGE called "I Love The Hat Society", without actually loving The Hat Society at all, just because I appreciate your dedication to the band!
You see?
Now for events. Sometimes things happen, and they're great. So you want to make a PAGE or GROUP about it. Say you like PUTTING ON CLEAN SOCKS. One could either make a PAGE called "Putting On Clean Socks" or a GROUP called "We Love Putting On Clean Socks" or "People Who Love Putting On Clean Socks". People could become FANS of PUTTING ON CLEAN SOCKS or become MEMBERS of a GROUP DEDICATED TO THE PRACTICE OF PUTTING ON CLEAN SOCKS.
Simple enough, isn't it?
To demonstrate that one DISLIKES something isn't so tricky either. Say the thing in particular that irks you on this overcast Monday morning is, oh, I don't know... OVERCAST MONDAY MORNINGS. The PAGE dedicated to one's dislike of OVERCAST MONDAY MORNINGS could be called something like "Not Getting Out Of Bed Because It's An Overcast Monday Morning" or "Don't You Just Hate Overcast Monday Mornings". The equivalent GROUP would be "Overcast Monday Mornings Suck" or "We Hate Overcast Monday Mornings" or "The Overcast Monday Morning Hate Club".
Thank you for your time.
No Caps Lock keys were harmed in the typing of this article.